A couple of months ago, I spent the afternoon watching a new movie I'd known nothing about which was based on the novel "I Smile Back." Sarah Silverman played the lead role, and her performance, plus the script, completely drew me in. I instantly became fascinated by the author of the book. This is how I discovered Amy Koppelman! My favorite authors are the ones who write in deceptively simple language about the everyday things we often overlook -- the tea kettle boiling; the wind chimes gently rocking in the breeze, etc. Yet underneath their simple words are the deepest, most potent, emotions few human beings have the guts to bring to the surface, let alone write about. My short list of these writers include diarist Anais Nin and novelist Banana Yoshimoto. They have been my favorites for years. I'm so excited to finally add a third writer to my club, and this is Amy Koppelman. Here is my book review of her latest novel, "Hesitation Wounds."
“Hesitation
Wounds” is the story of Dr. Susanna Seliger who treats patients
with severe depression by administering shock treatment therapy. For
many years, she has shuffled through life by keeping herself closed
off and ignoring her emotions which is why this work suits her. She
doesn't believe in talk therapy and doesn't want her patients to
confide in her. She just wants to buzz their feelings out of them.
But everything changes when she treats Jim for whom the shock
treatments don't seem to work. Talking to Jim takes her out of her
shell and, in turn, forces her to face her grief over her brother,
Daniel, who died when she and Daniel were both teens. “Hesitation
Wounds” is mostly a dialog between Suze and her late brother. Many
times, it reads like a letter to him. Throughout the book, Suze
recounts moments from their life together. Many memories are
pleasant. She recalls the summer when they hung outdoors with their
friends, listening to the boom box, lying down and staring into the
black city sky:
“It's
the end of summer now. We are on our backs, arms and legs touching.
We gaze at the moon. Margo thinks the moon is hanging especially
low. It wants to shake your hand.”
But
other times, the details of his tragic and somewhat reckless death
creep through.
Her
patient, Jim reminds her of Daniel. They both have similar builds
and voices. Speaking of Jim elicits constant thoughts of death in her
because he is suicidal. Just before he is about to receive another
round of electric shock treatments which he has no faith will work,
he asks her to tell him a story about what his life will be like six
years from now. Koppelman's account through Suze of what a day in
the life of a future, happily-adjusted, family man, Jim, will be like
is beautiful and cinematic. It truly moved me, and I hope there will
be a film version of “Hesitation Wounds” someday to see this
passage unfold in pictures.
While
most books depict grief by showing the event, having the mourner cry
it out, completely traumatized, then describe them on the pathway to healing,
Koppleman's portrayal of the grief experience is not like this. Grieving is not interpreted as overblown and dramatic. It is simple and
matter of fact. But it's the facts that people have the most trouble
facing. Grief does not get better over time but rather you learn to
function better. As Koppelman explains, every day you are reminded
of the person you lost through the mundane things around you. She
asks: “What would Dan think of cell phones?” This sentence hit
home for me because my father died in 1984, and with every new
technology that comes out, I'm reminded of him: “What would Dad
think of laptops? Social media? The internet?” This is truly what
grief is all about: Your thoughts on a daily basis. In Koppelman's
stream-of-consciousness dialog to Daniel, she writes:
“Things
I forgot to ask: I forgot to ask you why you didn't like egg in your
fried rice...how it was we began eating potato chips with ketchup,
who your favorite Beatle was...”
“Hesitation
Wounds” reminds us that life is about the little things. Besides
grief, it is about depression and the simpler things most of us take
for granted but can cause a person suffering from depression to get
completely bogged down by. Every movement, interaction and inner
thought becomes a feat of near impossibility, leading to exhaustion.
Suze's depression is primarily caused by many years of unresolved
grief. Here is how Suze has learned to survive her crippling
thoughts of grief:
“I
turn away. Memory is like this for me now. I can turn away from it.
I repeat this thought out loud, as if the mere act of saying it, like
an incantation, will transform the idea into reality. And because
it's true. I can do this now.”
She
stops and adds:
“Most
of the time.”
Because
that's how you move forward from grief. You just choose to forget.
You don't heal completely, but you learn to live.
To order Amy Koppelman's "Hesitation Wounds" go to
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25622463-hesitation-wounds
