Why I Believe It Is Essential To Watch SMILF

Photo from Stalktr.net

This Sunday marks the last episode of Showtime Channel's "SMILF" until (hopefully) the show gets picked up by another network. It would be a shame to see this masterpiece which depicts the lives and thoughts of real women in an honest and unique way cease to exist when it was only just getting started.

SMILF is the brainchild of writer, director and actress Frankie Shaw. She stars as Bridgette Bird who is a single mom with a young son named Larry, and they live together in South Boston. Bridgette loves to play basketball, has a raw sexuality and a vulgar mouth, but her love and devotion to her son is fierce. I discovered SMILF late in the game, after Season 1 ended, but I binge-watched all eight episodes on a day off from work and instantly got hooked. Subsequently, as Season 2 began, my favorite thing to do each week was grab my bottle of birthday Shiraz wine that my best friend got me, pour a glass, cut a sliver of cheddar cheese, and sit down at 10:30 pm, Sunday nights, to watch SMILF.

SMILF is different and daring. Similar to HBO's "Girls" but focusing mainly on Bridgette, her mom, brilliantly played by Rosie O'Donnell, and her son, Larry, rather than an ensemble female cast. The intelligence in the writing is still there and the lead character again is a true-to-life, flawed, human being who is aware that she has a lot to learn but wants to do it in her own way and on her own timetable based on the feelings she has from within rather than imitating what she thinks is expected of her from society. She is just another creative woman who feels differently than everybody else and is simply trying to muddle through life as best as she can.



Gloria Steinem said in her book "Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions" that the way to test if  you think someone is being sexist is to switch the male and female roles in their story and see if you think the same things would happen and the same feelings elicited if the roles were reversed. For example, if  someone tells you a story about how their female boss at work was  "on the rag" today because she was getting on everybody's case for not getting their work done fast enough and was being bitchy with everyone, would the storyteller have used the same language if their story had been about a male boss or would this just have been considered a typical day at the office and not even worthy of mentioning? Last Sunday's SMILF (Season 2, Episode 9: "Single Mom Is Losing Faith") demonstrated this type of test commendably.  The entire episode has a cowboy setting, and initially, the viewer naturally assumes that the male cowboys are in charge of the town, but odd things are seen in the background. There are good-looking men walking around in the background of the town saloon, and they are wearing pants with holes cut out in the backs of their blue jeans revealing naked backsides. Shortly after this scene, as more dialogue occurs between the male and female characters, it becomes obvious that the reason these male inhabitants of this Western town are dressed this way is because the town is run by women. So instead of seeing females' butt cheeks predominantly featured in yoga pants or hanging out the backs of short-shorts, this is what this town features. Men wear make up and speak in gentle, self-effacing, remorseful tones. In this episode, Bridgette is having a bad day as she is riding her horse around town and lamenting over having to pay Cowboy Taxes so she says she needs to blow off some steam. The way she makes herself feel better is to go upstairs and gain the services of her male prostitute who proceeds to ride her from the top in exactly the same style as a woman rides a man.

SMILF is not preachy in its feminist viewpoint. It shows instead of tells. The cowboy episode is a great example of this. Its script never spells out what it's trying to say. Rather, it's all symbolism, and you have to figure it out for yourself. These days, we need a show like SMILF to show a real portrayal of women who dictate their own sexuality rather than giving into the needs of older, powerful men as has been traditionally done in entertainment for decades. SMILF is honest and original. Just like so many of us women are. Maybe SMILF is still ahead of its time. Similar to how female bosses were several decades ago.

Photo from Fanpop.com

My Top Four Female Artists Most Important To Me In The Trump Era

The above photo is a Joan Semmel self-portrait.



The one positive that came as a result of Trump becoming president is that women are finally able to speak out against sexism, sexual harassment and sexual abuse. When we now have a president who is on tape saying: "Grab them by the pussy," what more do we have to lose? What do we gain by staying silent when the leader of the United States has displayed a complete lack of respect for women? We've already hit rock bottom.

I've compiled a list of four female artists who I feel have created works of art that reflect our newfound freedom to express ourselves in ways that go against the grain of what we've previously expected from women artists. Some of these brave works were created before the Trump era, but they should be revisited because they perfectly reflect this move towards a change in consciousness. These examples of their art below bend our way of thinking and push us toward new directions in our roles as women:


1.  "Locker Room Talk" (song/video by Dolltits) - Musician/Songwriter Therina Bella and Musician Magie Serpica have refused to let Trump's "Grab them by the pussy" words be forgotten. Instead, they've recorded a song and video that will keep his words remembered forever, and they've laid it all out in the open by using Trump's own actual words as every single lyric in the song. We've all heard Trump's own words in the recording of the "Access Hollywood Locker Room Tapes": "You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful...It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything...grab them by the pussy. You can do anything." All of these words sting, but my particular favorite part of Dolltits' video is when a little girl appears and sings along to the line: "You'll never be a 10." This stings even more than the "pussy words" because think of the message the president of the United States has given to young girls by rating females for their supposed "beauty" or lack of it? Think about it.

Dolltits (Still from "Locker Room Talk" video)

2.  Joan Semmel - A female painter born in 1932, Semmel decided to paint female nudes in the 1970's, but the dilemma of painting the female nude body - which was usually seen as an object of desire for men - created a conflict with her identity as a feminist. Semmel resolved this problem rather perfectly when, while in her seventies, she took nude mirror selfies and then painted them. It is rare to see older women in nude paintings much less based on nude photos they have taken as selfies! Women continue to be sexually active throughout their eighties and beyond, so why shouldn't Semmel paint her own nude female body too? Semmel is an inspiration as an older woman who refuses to be pushed into the background and meant to feel that only younger women can openly display their bodies.

3.  "Trapeze" (book by Anais Nin) - Nin was born in 1903 and is best known for the publication of her Diaries which are the unabashed, brave and honest account of a woman constantly torn between needing to identify herself as an artist and wanting to take care of the men and friends she loves. Nin struggled to not confine herself to the traditional role of woman, and her diaries depict this battle of gaining her own identity separate from the men in her life. By the time she wrote the diaries that were published last year as "Trapeze," she was living a complicated bi-coastal lifestyle in which she had a longtime husband, Hugo, who lived on the East Coast in New York City, but also had a new lover, Rupert, who lived on the West Coast in California. "Trapeze" shows her near impossible feat of bouncing back and forth from coast to coast while keeping each relationship secret from the other. In Nin legend, before "Trapeze" was released and we could get her uncensored version of the story, it was believed that Nin only remained with Hugo out of loyalty and really wanted to be with Rupert full time. Most romantic tales would have us believe that too: The long-suffering wife as the victim whose unfaithfulness we forgive because she really only seeks love just like every other woman and has no other reasons behind her bad behavior.  But in "Trapeze," we learn that Nin enjoyed the wealthy, New York lifestyle she had with Hugo where she had a maid and could be a writer 24/7. She claimed the sex was better with Rupert, but he drove her crazy with his fastidiousness and insistence that they save money and eat dinner in, and that she do all the housecleaning herself. After a couple of months of this, she often couldn't wait to get back to Hugo and her New York lifestyle. In "Trapeze," Nin gets real and admits that she has chosen to stay with both men because of her own needs. She doesn't try to write a romantic story with a happy ending. Instead, she tells the truth of her story wherein she makes the best out of her imperfect relationships and imperfect life. She does this with a maturity we don't always see in both fiction and memoirs of women who are often depicted as near children and as victims of the people and circumstances around them.

4.  "Peek Hour" (short story by Adrea Kore) - Kore's brilliant and sexy short story refuses to stay silent on an issue that women usually don't speak about: penises. At least, they don't usually speak about it in the manner that female protagonist Roxy in "Peek Hour" does. Roxy has what she describes as "feelings of affection and admiration of the penis." Her favorite thing to do is ride the crowded train where she weasels her way into the specific seat that gives her the best view of the "packages" of the men standing closest to her. She says the men don't even notice that she's eyeing their pants because they've traditionally been too busy focusing on HER parts so it never even occurs to them that she's obsessed with stealthily examining THEIR parts. She examines their bulges and notices their different sizes and shapes and whether they lean to the left or the right. She laments the fact that most penises are hidden away and wishes to liberate them all. She wants to build giant statues of them so they can be monuments that people can visit. While she fantasizes about these things, the bumps of the train often force men's crotches into her face. This excites her, and she says it happens so fast, the men usually don't notice, and it's her little secret. She does whatever she can to brush into men's crotches "by accident." I love this story and find Kore's depiction of Roxy's penis obsession fascinating because for once we can see a woman's point of view of the penis that doesn't seen to be influenced at all by the man's point of view of his penis.

This is a penis sticker by Luna Snaps that is on Redbubble.

I hope to spread the word about these amazing artists and their music, stories and paintings! Women have been categorized, marginalized and misunderstood for too many years. We have different things to express than what has previously been expected of us. These women are my favorite examples of a new feminine consciousness, and they remain such inspirations to me!


You can find my Top 4 at their websites listed below. Please check them out!

www.dolltits.com
www.joansemmel.com
anaisninblog.skybluepress.com
koredesires.wordpress.com

Not Crying (Yet) - Just Simply Unable To Comprehend It

It's like that time in the early 1990's when I bought tickets to see an IMAX film, went to line up, and was told the viewing had just been canceled. I said: "Ok, so where do I go to get my money back?" The employee answered: "I will go ask my manager if you will be able to get your money back." "What??!!" was my natural response. "Of course, I can get my money back! I bought the tickets three minutes ago, and I'm surely not going to be charged for a movie I didn't see!" The employee didn't respond in any way that made sense, i.e., 'Oh, well of course you'll either get a rain check or a refund.' Instead he said, again: "Well I have to check with my manager to see if we can give you your money back." Again, I couldn't grasp the concept that this theater would force me to pay for a movie I didn't see! It just didn't make logical sense. Of course, I did get my money back, but the idea that the employee would even think for one second that I'd ACCEPT leaving the theater knowing I'd paid for a movie that I didn't see through no fault of my own or that the theater would think it was perfectly fine to do so was something my brain simply couldn't comprehend.

This is the feeling I have after seeing a quarter of the US population go to the polls to vote for Donald Trump. It doesn't make logical sense to me, and I can't wrap my brain around it. Surely after everyone heard him say that he grabs women by the pussy and that they let him do it because he's a celebrity, nobody in their right minds would vote for him! Equally disturbing is that after those comments became public, a former teen beauty pageant contestant said that Trump had barged into the teen contestants' dressing room while many were  half-dressed and topless. While they frantically grabbed their clothes to cover themselves up, he continued to enter the room and simply said: "Don't worry, girls. There's nothing here I haven't seen before!" What kind of example does it set for young girls and women of our country (and for the girls and women who live in countries where females are so oppressed, they have no rights at all and are abused and persecuted on a daily basis) to have such a person be in charge of what many consider the leader of the free world? Surely we don't want a president representing OUR country who has been recorded on tape making statements that prove how little regard he has for women and their rights? Correct?

As I said, the reality is that one quarter of Americans brought themselves to the polls to vote for Trump. This is 25% of our country. But 25% voted for Hillary Clinton who actually received more than 2 million more votes than Trump did. The added problem is that 50% of the population didn't vote at all. Trying to view our voting population as an optimist, at least the vast majority of people in our country couldn't bring themselves to vote for him knowing that this country's women have fought so hard for so many years for their freedom, only to see them being disrespected and even sexually assaulted by someone who could have the power to set them right back again.

Seems to me after hearing nothing but bigotry and sexism from Trump, even if you didn't like Hillary Clinton, it was imperative to go out and vote for her to ensure that we not let him gain the power to create laws that can hurt people and damage their lives when he harbors such prejudices for minorities, homosexuals, the disabled, and immigrants. Along with having  an utter lack of respect for women that has reached the extent of engaging in sexually predatory behavior.

Bottom line is, Trump did lose the popular vote, and by over 2 million votes which is a margin unprecedented in US history and exceeds the close margins in the elections of both President Kennedy and President Nixon. My first reaction to Trump winning the electoral college votes (even though this is not what the majority of individual people of this country actually wanted) was one of disbelief and confusion. Once I heard his comments on TV about "grabbing women's pussies" (adding that to the derogatory comments I've heard him say over the years, long before he ever ran for president, such as calling women "fat" and "ugly"), I just couldn't comprehend that these comments would not be a deal breaker for anyone who has a healthy respect for women. This is why those of us who voted for Hillary Clinton are "crybabies." It is because we fear the ways a man who is about to gain control over legal policies could hurt us when he holds this type of hatred for women. We're hoping that over the next four years, we will not be dealt something that we'll really have reason to cry about.

"We Saw Your Boobs" (Was Seth MacFarlane's Oscar Song Sexist?)

Last week's Oscars were hosted by "Family Guy" creator, Seth MacFarlane.  I enjoy "Family Guy," and when Seth MacFarlane was featured on an overhead screen singing his controversial song, "We Saw Your Boobs," I thought it was funny. In the song, he rattled off names of actresses and the films they appeared topless in.  He mentioned Halle Berry in "Monster's Ball," Marisa Tomei in "The Wrestler," and Nicole Kidman in "Eyes Wide Shut."

Some of the reviewers claimed that MacFarlane's song was sexist and that he made other sexist remarks during the broadcast.  I can't judge the rest of the show because at 9:00 p.m., I switched to HBO to watch "Girls." Speaking of which, Lena Dunham, the creator/writer/director/lead actress/brilliant person of "Girls" spoke out against MacFarlane's song, saying it didn't help to further the cause of feminism, but then, of course, shortly afterward, she dropped out of the conversation by saying: "Now I've said something murky about women's lib, and will return to eating edamame/thinking about moving to Austin like I always do!" One of the complaints I heard was that many of the movies he mentioned contained rape scenes, however, I've seen all the movies I've named above and those nude scenes were definitely not rape scenes.

These actresses and many current big-name actresses chose to go topless in order to further their movie careers.   Did they expect nobody to ever mention it again once they'd reached their goals? Why? Sarah Jessica Parker refuses to do nudity, but other actresses either feel they have to or realize they'll reach their goals faster if they just do it early on in their careers. Still, other actresses, like Ashley Judd, have claimed they enjoy doing nude scenes. Regardless of whether or not an actress does a nude scene and regardless of the reasons she does them, these actresses are adults, and I refuse to believe that women are children who need protection from their own decisions and that they must be treated with kid gloves just in case we "mention" the fact that they once performed nude scenes onscreen.

At one point during the song, MacFarlane referred to Charlize Theron in "Monster." After he said her name, the camera panned over to note her reaction, and she looked visibly upset. But when the clip was finished, MacFarlane performed a different number, and Theron suddenly appeared onstage dancing to it. Obviously, her stunned reaction was staged, and she was as much in on the joke as he was. Why, then, were women's groups and other actresses who weren't even mentioned in the song speaking out against it, saying that MacFarlane was sexist by performing such a number?

I believe it is because we still live in a "man's" world where it is OK for women to behave in an indecent or slutty manner as long as it is considered an indiscretion, a past mistake, and that now they are sorry.  We can't accept the fact that sometimes women behave opportunistically, that they mean to do the things they do, they'd do them again, and they are not sorry. Apparently, many people believe that if a woman once took off her top during an early film of hers, but now she is famous and doesn't choose to do nude scenes anymore, Seth MacFarlane is not supposed to draw our attention to these movies anymore.  They are now big stars, and he is wrong to bring it out into the open.  MacFarlane did not lie, he didn't reveal things that he found out in a sneaky manner, he didn't commit any crimes, and he didn't even commit slander.  These movies are forever available for rent. You can Google them, and they are included in these actresses' bios.  All he did was sing a song about them.

I think that if reviewers or the general public have a problem with MacFarlane's "Boobs" song, they should ask themselves exactly why it is the song bothers them,  and once they figure out the reason, they should just go back to eating Edamame and maybe considering a move to Austin.