Gimme Some Of That DIY, Feel-Good Writing!

The first time I saw a zine was in the late 1980's at Tower Records Bookstore in New York City. It was made of simple, white printer paper by a fan of Kate Bush. It had black and white pictures of Kate that were photocopied and stapled into the magazine. Although not as popular as they once were, DIY zines are still around, and this summer, I stumbled upon a bunch of them at the East Village Zine Fair on St. Mark's Place in NYC. As I checked out the many tables, my eyes caught sight of a particular table run by Quimby's Bookstore in Brooklyn. It had DIY zines that were reminiscent of the zines I used to love to buy so many years ago. Among the teeny-tiny mini zines, I saw a bunch of regular-sized zines by an artist named Jolie Ruin who I recognized because she sells artwork on Etsy. I even had one of her art collages in my Etsy favorites which was a small, art canvas decorated with colorful beads and a quote from a Juliana Hatfield song. I didn't even know she was a zinester and that she published Riot Grrrl-inspired zines!

The simplicity of zines reminds me of my Berklee College of Music days when we all made homemade cassette tapes of our original songs and played them for each other. Sometimes, someone would comment that the recordings of the vocals and instruments should be more slickly produced. I often disagreed. I'd say I rather listen to a guy strumming a guitar and singing lyrics that moved me than a demo of overproduced songs that say nothing and provide nothing original. The passion of three-chord grunge songs of the early 1990's touched so many people, and even today, as soon as you hear the first chords of a Nirvana song, you immediately know it's them.  

The SlutCake zines include not only Jolie Ruin's writing and art but also from a variety of contributors.  My story about my childhood crush on Barry Williams (Greg Brady of the TV show "The Brady Bunch"), and how I met him years later as an adult, is featured in SlutCake #18 - the Love and Crushes Issue

I've grown tired of reading traditional literary journals because so often the stories have shock value themes and an unusual number of tragic endings. I remember one short story - a contest winner -  entitled, "Ice Cream for Breakfast." The title made it sound like it was a pleasant, let's throw caution to the wind, story but instead it was about the mom regretting she hadn't permitted her little boy to have ice cream for breakfast because she was too busy searching for a cure while he was dying of a disease. What this story did for me was made me never want to read a story like that ever again. I believe that we readers can be inspired by stories with everyday, relatable, topics and don't need to have our worlds annihilated in order to be moved by a piece of writing! 

The "Jolie Ruin" zine section at Quimby's Bookstore in Brooklyn, NYC

Discovering Jolie Ruin's zines and art collages have added new excitement to my writing life. When my first order of zines from Etsy came in, I spent one Saturday afternoon on my bed drinking tea and reading Jolie's "The Escapist Artist" zines from cover to cover. I was intrigued by her journal entries from the early 2000's printed in the zines. She told honest, entertaining, and personal stories from when she was in her early twenties, and they took me back to my own early twenties and to those moments when I too saw indie bands perform at rock clubs and had those same feelings of excitement while watching live music and drinking beer with people my own age. 

This "mini" zine by Jolie Ruin contains raw and honest stories straight from her journal entries of 2005

I bought this issue of The Escapist Artist from Jolie Ruin's Etsy Shop, and she mailed it to me along with a bonus sticker and mini business card

Jolie's Riot Grrrl Press company that she runs with her husband Jamie makes T-shirts with quotes and designs that are clever and funny. After ordering the "Make Zines Not War" T-shirt, I answered the call for models to appear in the upcoming Delia*s-inspired Riot Grrrl Press T-Shirt Catalog!

Zinesters contribute more to pop culture than just printed stories. Jolie Ruin creates DIY art, patches, stickers, and even spoken word cassettes and music. I'd suggest giving zines a try even if you primarily read traditional literature. There's enough in the writing market for every taste and style, so like my t-shirt says: "Make Zines, Not War!" 

My very own Art Collage handmade by Jolie Ruin that I bought from her Ebay store. Some of Jolie Ruin's art collages are featured in the Netflix movie "Moxie!" 

https://www.ebay.com/usr/jolieruin

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JolieRuin

Channeling My Inner Starr Quality

Me during the time period Maurice Starr approached me at Tower Records.

Last month, I streamed "The New Edition Story" on Paramount Plus, and it sparked a memory of the time I met Maurice Starr while working at Tower Records Boston in 1990. Starr discovered the 1980's boy band New Edition before he created the astronomically successful New Kids on the Block. When I was in my early teens, I solidly listened to New Edition's first two albums and sang the songs around my house.  One of my favorites had the lines:  "Shake it/Don't break it/It took your mother nine months to make it," and it drove my dad crazy! Seven years later, I was standing at the entrance of Tower, flipping through a Miles Davis biography, when Maurice Starr approached me.  If he had been Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Ralph, or Mike, I would have recognized him.  But instead, he was their behind-the-scenes producer, and I didn't recognize him at all.  He asked me if I liked Miles Davis, and I said that I didn't know anything about him and that's why I was interested in reading this book.  He also asked me how the Peter Wolf solo album was doing, and I told him whatever I could remember off the top of my head about its sales.  Suddenly a man walked up to me and asked, "Do you know you're talking to a really important guy right now?"  I turned to Maurice and asked, "Who ARE you?!"  He answered, "I'm Maurice Starr,"  to which I exclaimed: "No, you're not!"  So he pulled out his driver's license and showed me.  It had a different name on it, but it also said "a/k/a Maurice Starr," so then I believed him, and his identity was further confirmed to me a few days later when I saw his picture on the cover of one of my free Boston magazines.  Maurice and I chatted a little while longer, and I told him I was a Berklee College of Music student and that I was interested in working as a singer and songwriter.  The next thing I knew, he wrote his phone number down on a little piece of paper and told me to call him.

But I didn't! 

I should have because it was my dream to get a record contract, but I was too shy and scared to go and audition for him.  I was more of a songwriter and instrumentalist and less of an entertainer and performer.  I missed my chance.  A few months later, I saw Maurice Starr  interviewed on MTV.  The interviewer asked him what made him choose to work with certain people over others.  He answered that he noticed a little something special in those people, making them stand out from the rest.  I felt he must have spotted a quality like that in me.  

For years, I regretted not using that little piece of paper to call Maurice Starr.  All I did was Scotch tape it into my notebook journal.  Eventually, I learned to accept that singing and dancing to pop music just wasn't me.  Growing content with our limitations comes easier with age.  It would be tempting to sit around and sulk and ask myself: "Why didn't I jump at the chance? I was in my prime then!"  But what good would that do me now, and what does it really mean to be in our prime anyway?  Everyone constantly says that women over the age of forty are no longer in their "prime," but what if being in our  prime doesn't mean what society tells us it means?  What if having more confidence and self-awareness is what it really means to be in our prime? Maurice Starr noticed something in me when I was in my early twenties, and that special something hasn't gone away.  I may not sing and dance or have a record contract, but I write novels and they fulfill me. The secret to staying in our prime is to channel our own inner "Starr" qualities, and instead of dwelling on what we can't do, we should remind ourselves what we CAN do.  

Lena Dunham's Instagram post on New Year's Eve positively resonated with me. She proposed we forget about making New Year's resolutions because they keep us focused on our failures. Instead, she suggests we: “Give in to who you are and what your actual gifts are, your true powers, and let go of the compare and contrast.”  I think this is good advice.  This year, instead of making more demands on myself to clean the house more and exercise more, how about I just be me?

Me on the Willowbrook Park Carousel in Staten Island - Present Day

Cougars and Jaguars and Stares, OH MY!

 

Me at Coney Island Beach - July 2022

This week, I watched the new Pamela Anderson Netflix documentary, "Pamela: A Love Story." I enjoyed it overall, but knowing that Pamela has gained so much strength and confidence through surviving scandals and bad marriages, I was disappointed to see that she is insecure about her body.  At one point, her mom asks her why she doesn't wear tight fitting clothes anymore, and Pamela answers that it is because nobody wants to see her body anymore.  Later, she comments that people no longer want to see her breasts. The mistaken notion that women are only worth admiring when they're young probably originated in her mind during her heyday of posing nude for "Playboy."  Though I have no qualms about women posing nude, I've always believed that "Playboy" magazine was the wrong venue for it.  After all, "Playboy" was created and controlled by the late Hugh Hefner - a man who forbade his models to wear red lipstick because in the era he grew up in, red lipstick was a statement of strength, boldness, courage, and independence.  Plus, I'm sure he had convinced his models that they are only beautiful when they are youthful.

I'm only a little bit younger than Pamela Anderson, and it stings to know that many women in our age group are hesitant to show off their bodies.  Some people believe that what the years do to women's bodies is distasteful. Yet when women get plastic surgery in an attempt to look youthful, they are criticized even more. Thinking about the vitriol hurled at Madonna after her recent appearance on the Grammys is devastating.  Countless people made hurtful comments about how her face has changed through the overuse of  Botox and plastic surgery.  They say she looks horrible and question why a woman who once had an abundance of self-confidence would now feel so badly about herself that she needs to cave into the pressure to look younger.  I believe that the reason she has decided to remain wrinkle-free is because her business is pop music which is a genre of music listened to by the young. The music she has recorded for decades brings listeners back to the years they first heard the songs, and she wants her look to match how she looked during the time periods of those songs. She prefers the skin on her face to have the smoothness of youth.  

In actuality, not everyone hates Madonna's new look.  Many of her comments on Instagram praise her for looking beautiful.  Everybody has different preferences regarding physical appearances.  For instance, some people prefer thin bodies and others prefer curvy bodies; some love how women look with breast implants, others prefer natural breasts;  some people find mature women more attractive, others prefer youthful women.  Pamela Anderson shouldn't just assume that she is no longer desirable because her looks are now that of a mature woman.  As I said, different people find different looks attractive, and I doubt she gave it a second thought years ago when she had breast implant surgery even though there are many people who prefer natural, smaller breasts. 

Luckily for us, several mature women once celebrated for their beautiful faces in the 1980's are now speaking out on our behalf.  Model, Paulina Porizkova, and actress, Brooke Shields, are working hard to break down the myths that older women are no longer beautiful.  Paulina does this in her new "No Filter" book of essays, and Brooke does this with her website and newsletter "The Beginning is Now."  Whether a woman wants to get plastic surgery to look younger or instead chooses to age naturally is nobody else's business.  The most beautiful asset a woman can have is confidence.  If we still believe we are beautiful, then others will too.  If you've got it, flaunt it, and even if you don't think you've got it, take a chance and flaunt it anyway, and never let anyone make you feel shameful about it.