I'm Bewitched

My need for escape is a constant in my life. I think it is for most artistic people. We're more dreamers than doers, and after we've done all the things we absolutely need to do, we spend the rest of our free time indulging in fantasy. In many people's minds, fantasizing sounds like a lazy luxury unless one has an abnormal amount of time to spare. During the pandemic, my escape was watching every single episode of the old black and white TV series, "Perry Mason." It consumed so much of my life that I made Perry the focus of my essay, "How I Survived 2020." After the pandemic, my essay was published and nominated for the Pushcart Prize so, ultimately, I believe my escape wasn't time wasted!

Now three years later, my escape is the classic TV series "Bewitched." It's a TV show starring Elizabeth Montgomery that aired in the late 1960's to early 1970's about an immortal witch named Samantha who marries a mortal human named Darrin. I regularly watched the reruns as a child, but as an adult, the only episode I could remember was one where Endora, Samantha's mom, puts a spell on Darrin that makes his ears grow to an enormous size every time he tells a lie. Recently, one morning, I was changing the channels on my TV and saw two children with weird-painted eyebrows, dressed in peasant clothes, and made to look like "Hansel and Gretel" from the children's story.  Samantha and Darrin's young daughter, Tabitha, has used her witch powers to trade places with Hansel and Gretel by taking them out of the storybook and into her bedroom, then leaving them there to deal with her puzzled parents while she jumps into the book herself. The premise is so funny, and the Hansel and Gretel kids look so goofy, that I started watching Bewitched every morning to have a laugh before I began my workday.

To feed my TV obsessions, I like to shop for things. During my Perry Mason stage, I found a mug for my desk that says, "Life Happens, Perry Helps." For my Bewitched obsession, I bought a cubic zirconia replica of the Pave Heart diamond necklace Samantha wears on the show so that I can wear it as I watch. 

I know it sounds crazy, but I find nothing wrong with having an escape that makes you feel good. Bewitched is a series that promotes positivity. Elizabeth Montgomery had a lot of influence on the show and in how the female characters were represented. Even older women were cast in major roles. Samantha's mother, Endora, played by Agnes Moorehead, appears in all eight seasons as a strong and self-assured woman in her mid sixties and early seventies.  Another older woman, Samantha's Aunt Clara played by actress Marion Lorne, was in her eighties at the time, and her character has boyfriends and she is shown very actively dating men. 

Samantha and her mom, Endora, hanging out in the garden

Another thing I love about Bewitched is that animals are portrayed as sentient beings. On Season 1, Episode 2,  “Ling Ling,” a cat who Samantha puts a spell on to temporarily turn her into a woman, decides she doesn't want to go back to being a cat because, in her words, “I like to be pampered and made a fuss over."  She tells Samantha that if she too had spent her life scrounging around alleys searching for scraps, she'd understand why she doesn't want to go back to being a cat.  She says, "from now on, it will be martinis and sardines all the way.”  On Season 2, Episode 25, "The Horse's Mouth," Samantha sees a horse wandering in the park and wants to know why, so she puts a spell on the horse so that she can talk with him or her.  The horse transforms into a tough, brunette-haired woman who tells Samantha that she just jumped off of a truck to flee her racetrack life because she was being neglected by her trainer and never wins any races.  I love these episodes because they embrace the belief that animals deserve respect and have emotions.

Elizabeth Montgomery was thirty-nine years old during the last season of Bewitched, and over its eight seasons, Samantha's character evolves from a just-married young woman wearing plain, housewife dresses in Season 1 to a freedom-loving woman decked out in short miniskirts and white knee-high socks. Part of this change was obviously influenced by the emerging women's movement and hippie revolution, but I like to think her change in identity has more to do with the fact that when we women approach age forty, we are liberated from a lot of the restrictions we had when we were younger.  We are wiser, confident, carefree, and not bothered and dragged down by the things that used to concern us needlessly. 

Samantha, played by actress Elizabeth Montgomery

Besides entertainment, there is a more important reason why we should have happy obsessions. A friend of mine once told me that a common thread in people who are depressed is that they have lost their ability to fantasize. They can't free themselves from their troubling thoughts and are unable to immerse themselves in another world. Considering this, I say we shouldn't feel guilty about sometimes indulging in fantasies and finding ourselves entranced by other realities.  The ability to escape from our ordinary lives from time to time may even be essential. 

Me and Samantha wearing the Pave Heart 

Barbie - She's Not Who You Think She Is

 

Our Barbie Dreamplane

Barbie Mania has arrived!  The new Barbie movie stars Margot Robbie as a Barbie doll who comes to life.  Although many have dismissed this movie as just another scheme for a large corporation to make money, I have a different take on it. 

The Barbie Doll was invented by a woman named Ruth Handler in 1959.  She named the doll after her young daughter, Barbara.  The very first Barbie doll was not only available as a blonde, she could also by purchased as a brunette, and her clothes were designed by a woman named Charlotte Johnson.  

When I was a kid, I wasn't a huge Barbie doll fan.  I preferred the soft feel of my cuddly, stuffed animals.   But when I was twelve, I suddenly wanted Barbie dolls at a time when most girls are about to give them up.  Maybe I was aware of my teen years approaching and was trying to cling onto the last vestiges of childhood?  

The Barbies I had were the typical ones everybody is familiar with - blonde hair, long legs, and the world's tiniest waist.  These attributes unfortunately reduced Barbie to not much more than an impossibly-proportioned fashion model.  But as an adult shopping for dolls with my daughter, I discovered the "I Can Be" Barbie dolls where Barbie now had a serious profession, such as being a doctor, engineer, or veterinarian.  Plus, while doing research for this blog entry, I was surprised to learn that these "I Can Be" Barbie dolls were not even the first Barbies to have admirable careers. As far back as 1965, one Barbie doll was working as an astronaut!  Apparently, Barbie was meant to be more than just a sex symbol who dated Ken.

Below is my Curvy Barbie Doll.  I put shorts on her.

In March 2018, just in time for International Women's Day, Mattel released their "Role Model" Barbie dolls.  There was as Amelia Earhart Barbie patterned after the famous aviator and a Patti Jenkins Barbie made in honor of the director of the Wonder Woman movies.  During the Covid pandemic of 2020, essential worker Barbies were created to pay homage to the nurses, doctors, and paramedics working on the hospitals' front lines.  As part of their "Thank You Heroes" program, Mattel donated $5 from each doll sold to a foundation set up to help the children of these first responders. 

A few weeks ago, my teenage daughter and I had dinner at the Malibu Barbie Cafe in downtown Manhattan.  As we entered, I saw women and girls of all ages.  Nearly all of us wore something pink or with the Barbie logo on it.  A few different groups of women in their twenties wore hot pink dresses and floor length gowns made of silk or satin.  Later, while eating dinner, I spotted a small group of moms and daughters entering the dining area, and one of the little girls wore a crown that said "Birthday Princess."  It warmed my heart to see so many women and girls decked out in pink and tiaras to commemorate the upcoming movie.  I realized that Barbie is something that unites us not only as we are now but also as the girls we once were.  The celebration of Barbie is something particularly for us.  

Today, Barbie dolls represent women of all races and body types.  My favorite Barbie doll is my Curvy Barbie.  She has realistic body proportions, and I say it's about time. The only Barbie doll missing now is "Mature Woman Barbie."  But she won't be Barbie's grandmother.  Instead, she will be a realistic Barbie who represents women in their forties and beyond.  Her face will have laugh lines and her hair a few gray streaks.  But best of all, she'll be a wiser, bolder, Barbie who will never be afraid to speak her mind no matter how unconventional her opinion may be! 

Me at the Malibu Barbie Cafe - South Street Seaport, NYC - July 2023

Channeling My Inner Starr Quality

Me during the time period Maurice Starr approached me at Tower Records.

Last month, I streamed "The New Edition Story" on Paramount Plus, and it sparked a memory of the time I met Maurice Starr while working at Tower Records Boston in 1990. Starr discovered the 1980's boy band New Edition before he created the astronomically successful New Kids on the Block. When I was in my early teens, I solidly listened to New Edition's first two albums and sang the songs around my house.  One of my favorites had the lines:  "Shake it/Don't break it/It took your mother nine months to make it," and it drove my dad crazy! Seven years later, I was standing at the entrance of Tower, flipping through a Miles Davis biography, when Maurice Starr approached me.  If he had been Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Ralph, or Mike, I would have recognized him.  But instead, he was their behind-the-scenes producer, and I didn't recognize him at all.  He asked me if I liked Miles Davis, and I said that I didn't know anything about him and that's why I was interested in reading this book.  He also asked me how the Peter Wolf solo album was doing, and I told him whatever I could remember off the top of my head about its sales.  Suddenly a man walked up to me and asked, "Do you know you're talking to a really important guy right now?"  I turned to Maurice and asked, "Who ARE you?!"  He answered, "I'm Maurice Starr,"  to which I exclaimed: "No, you're not!"  So he pulled out his driver's license and showed me.  It had a different name on it, but it also said "a/k/a Maurice Starr," so then I believed him, and his identity was further confirmed to me a few days later when I saw his picture on the cover of one of my free Boston magazines.  Maurice and I chatted a little while longer, and I told him I was a Berklee College of Music student and that I was interested in working as a singer and songwriter.  The next thing I knew, he wrote his phone number down on a little piece of paper and told me to call him.

But I didn't! 

I should have because it was my dream to get a record contract, but I was too shy and scared to go and audition for him.  I was more of a songwriter and instrumentalist and less of an entertainer and performer.  I missed my chance.  A few months later, I saw Maurice Starr  interviewed on MTV.  The interviewer asked him what made him choose to work with certain people over others.  He answered that he noticed a little something special in those people, making them stand out from the rest.  I felt he must have spotted a quality like that in me.  

For years, I regretted not using that little piece of paper to call Maurice Starr.  All I did was Scotch tape it into my notebook journal.  Eventually, I learned to accept that singing and dancing to pop music just wasn't me.  Growing content with our limitations comes easier with age.  It would be tempting to sit around and sulk and ask myself: "Why didn't I jump at the chance? I was in my prime then!"  But what good would that do me now, and what does it really mean to be in our prime anyway?  Everyone constantly says that women over the age of forty are no longer in their "prime," but what if being in our  prime doesn't mean what society tells us it means?  What if having more confidence and self-awareness is what it really means to be in our prime? Maurice Starr noticed something in me when I was in my early twenties, and that special something hasn't gone away.  I may not sing and dance or have a record contract, but I write novels and they fulfill me. The secret to staying in our prime is to channel our own inner "Starr" qualities, and instead of dwelling on what we can't do, we should remind ourselves what we CAN do.  

Lena Dunham's Instagram post on New Year's Eve positively resonated with me. She proposed we forget about making New Year's resolutions because they keep us focused on our failures. Instead, she suggests we: “Give in to who you are and what your actual gifts are, your true powers, and let go of the compare and contrast.”  I think this is good advice.  This year, instead of making more demands on myself to clean the house more and exercise more, how about I just be me?

Me on the Willowbrook Park Carousel in Staten Island - Present Day

Cougars and Jaguars and Stares, OH MY!

 

Me at Coney Island Beach - July 2022

This week, I watched the new Pamela Anderson Netflix documentary, "Pamela: A Love Story." I enjoyed it overall, but knowing that Pamela has gained so much strength and confidence through surviving scandals and bad marriages, I was disappointed to see that she is insecure about her body.  At one point, her mom asks her why she doesn't wear tight fitting clothes anymore, and Pamela answers that it is because nobody wants to see her body anymore.  Later, she comments that people no longer want to see her breasts. The mistaken notion that women are only worth admiring when they're young probably originated in her mind during her heyday of posing nude for "Playboy."  Though I have no qualms about women posing nude, I've always believed that "Playboy" magazine was the wrong venue for it.  After all, "Playboy" was created and controlled by the late Hugh Hefner - a man who forbade his models to wear red lipstick because in the era he grew up in, red lipstick was a statement of strength, boldness, courage, and independence.  Plus, I'm sure he had convinced his models that they are only beautiful when they are youthful.

I'm only a little bit younger than Pamela Anderson, and it stings to know that many women in our age group are hesitant to show off their bodies.  Some people believe that what the years do to women's bodies is distasteful. Yet when women get plastic surgery in an attempt to look youthful, they are criticized even more. Thinking about the vitriol hurled at Madonna after her recent appearance on the Grammys is devastating.  Countless people made hurtful comments about how her face has changed through the overuse of  Botox and plastic surgery.  They say she looks horrible and question why a woman who once had an abundance of self-confidence would now feel so badly about herself that she needs to cave into the pressure to look younger.  I believe that the reason she has decided to remain wrinkle-free is because her business is pop music which is a genre of music listened to by the young. The music she has recorded for decades brings listeners back to the years they first heard the songs, and she wants her look to match how she looked during the time periods of those songs. She prefers the skin on her face to have the smoothness of youth.  

In actuality, not everyone hates Madonna's new look.  Many of her comments on Instagram praise her for looking beautiful.  Everybody has different preferences regarding physical appearances.  For instance, some people prefer thin bodies and others prefer curvy bodies; some love how women look with breast implants, others prefer natural breasts;  some people find mature women more attractive, others prefer youthful women.  Pamela Anderson shouldn't just assume that she is no longer desirable because her looks are now that of a mature woman.  As I said, different people find different looks attractive, and I doubt she gave it a second thought years ago when she had breast implant surgery even though there are many people who prefer natural, smaller breasts. 

Luckily for us, several mature women once celebrated for their beautiful faces in the 1980's are now speaking out on our behalf.  Model, Paulina Porizkova, and actress, Brooke Shields, are working hard to break down the myths that older women are no longer beautiful.  Paulina does this in her new "No Filter" book of essays, and Brooke does this with her website and newsletter "The Beginning is Now."  Whether a woman wants to get plastic surgery to look younger or instead chooses to age naturally is nobody else's business.  The most beautiful asset a woman can have is confidence.  If we still believe we are beautiful, then others will too.  If you've got it, flaunt it, and even if you don't think you've got it, take a chance and flaunt it anyway, and never let anyone make you feel shameful about it.